Singles Articles

christian_chick_ak · **christian_chick_ak** Joined: 15 Nov 2008 Posts: 145

I don't know if I can even explain this. But I feel like guys don't like to hang out with me as friends, and I don't know why. My friend never has this problem. She can chat with guys all the time, they ask her to events and to do things, but never me. And I'm just talking about friendship, not dating. I feel hurt by this at times, and confused. Even when a guy knows for sure we are just friends, he doesn't want to hang with me it seems. I don't get invited to events unless girls invite me. I don't really understand this. I feel like perhaps guys don't like to hang out with me because I am overweight (that's what I come up with because I can't think of anything). Even the guys from my Bible study-they hang with her and invite her to things all the time. They talk to me in Bible study, but they never invite me to anything.

I'm trying to sort it out. Any possible explanation? I feel hurt by this

Even the guy who I liked who we now worked out that we would just be friends....he won't communicate with me in any way except at Bible study. With him I understand that perhaps he doesn't want to lead me on, but we already talked and agreed to just be friends so I don't understand why we can't at least be that. So single guys won't be my friend. Deal?
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Trust in the Lord...Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart... Commit your way to the Lord...Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him. (Psalm 37)

kiss_of_life61 · **kiss_of_life61** Joined: 06 Feb 2010 Posts: 33

I usually seem to have that trouble too. I don't have an answer, but I just wanted to let you know that we are in this together!

Meagan Mr. Green

grateful · **grateful** Joined: 04 Jun 2005 Posts: 675

OK, here's some thoughts which may be helpful in general in these cases...

In these situations...regardless whether it is a woman or a man wondering... typically, one side does not really want to know the truth and the other feels awkward/bad person for saying truth. So both parties sort of secretly/emotionally scurry away.

Guys are not usually going to give you an explanation unless you pin them down...and many won't allow themselves to get pinned down. Sooo...Just go on the the next possible friendship.

But, yes, if it is happening a lot, one ought begin to think that there is something personal which is out of the ordinary which is a block to progress in friendships/relationships, though this may not always be the case.
--Not to be harsh in this, but the person usually needs to 'get a clue' about themselves (man or woman, they probably already have a clue, but they don't want to face it). Professional or pastoral counseling often can help.

Let's face it, 98% of the time the possible conversation about this with another person is going to be awkward/difficult ...and who wants that?

But if you can be brave and will humbly converse about this by phone or face-to-face with the guy or a gal in question, your chances for a real answer may be increased a lot. (By 'humbly' I mean that you make it known to the other party that you know you must be broken and you are finally willing to hear any answer which might be of help to you. BTW, the other party in this needs to be assured that their participation in this will not have you affecting them negatively now or in the future)

[Of course, as Christians we need to have done all the prayer and the one-an-other-ing things, as well. And, as with all advice columns, your mileage may vary]
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Signed: Grateful
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shiku · **shiku** Joined: 06 Mar 2009 Posts: 72

I do not know you so it is hard to advise but I will try. Sometimes what we communicate with others say alot about us. Please note we communicate in many ways and not just in words.

My suggestion is for you to start understanding what you are communcating to others, particulary to guys. Please note communication includes body language and our actions. I doubt that your body weight is the issue unless you make it so. Remember people will treat us how we treat ourselves.

Now my question to you is , do you love you? Do you apologise for being you in words or otherwise? Please note how you feel about yourself you subconsiously communicate to others.

Another thing I may suggest, and I do not know how to say it any better, is for you to ensure you are not exhuding sexual energy. I do not know how to explain this but I have been in the presence of a person and the sexual energy was there and I did not want to associate with them because it made me feel uncomfortable.

Another thing you could do is to have a trusted friend who knows you well to tell you what they think about what is going on. The truth is painfull but it is the only way we are going to grow.

I hope something I have said will help you.
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The grace of God, the love of Christ and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you,

Shiku

grateful · **grateful** Joined: 04 Jun 2005 Posts: 675

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Shiku, you probably didn't notice that this poster opened under the RCS Forum "Ask A Guy".

I know that people abuse Ask A Guy & Ask A Girl Forums a lot in this way, but strictly speaking it is not-OK.

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christian_chick_ak
Another thought for you: You have to know this about guys: very very often guys see boy/girl friendships as very real possibilities to couple, regardless of what they say out loud; I believe girls do this much less.
--This probable fact possibly makes complications you may not have considered.
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Signed: Grateful
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shiku · **shiku** Joined: 06 Mar 2009 Posts: 72

@grateful

Thank you for pointing that to me. I have never noticed those categories. I noticed another lady had made a comment.

Wow, this place is getting complicated.
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The grace of God, the love of Christ and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you,

Shiku

**happytobehere**

most guys are not looking to babysit their little sister all over again. So it seems to me like they like you and all but they just like to know you. The best thing you can do is be the one to invite them to do something.

The other possibility has the same solution. You may be too beautiful. Some girls just seem unapproachable because they are at what is known as a "higher level". Again, if you invite them, guys will want to go. Just relax and have fun and leave some of the rules at the door when you leave. (Not the important ones of course.)


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